stupid ex's and there kids

I know this is a never ending story but i just dont know what else to do. I am so tired of my children going with out stuff due to that fact of a crazy ex that my husband has. Every time it feels like we are getting a head in life we get nocked back down. We though that we would get a lawyer and fight the increas of his child support and someother things too. It has been long phone calls with them back and forth on everthing. Then out of the blue we get a letter in the mail about his child support and found out that it went from 411 a month to 978 a month now that is a huge chunck of change out of our paycheck and this is all becasue, the atourny did not show up to court and on top of it all did not tell us about it so we could have shown up at court. So now that looks bad on Jeff and he has stayed on top of all of that so it would not look bad. Ugh and the up setting part about it all is that we know the money is not going to the kids at all not with trips to las vegas and the constent partying. I am just at a loss on what to do my two little boys have to suffer cause we now have to pay her so much money. I have been trying to get a job but that seams like a never ending battol around here being in such a small town and not having a car to go to the next town to work is really hard. I have applied no joke 14 jobs and out of that 14 I have only had one job interview. I just dont know what I am doing wrong. I am tired of it all. I want more for my children and I try but my boys have to suffer. . . . I am so sick and tired of hearing about here and when she has nothing better to do in her life she likes to cose havick on our life. . . I know this is a bad thing to think but I have though numras of times in the last couple of months of devorcing my husband cause I am so sick and tied of dealing with it, and he just does not seam to try hard enough to fix the hole situation. I am done dealing with it. I dont want to be invalved with any of it anymore. If he wants to just let things happen then he can do it with out me casue. I want things better for me and my boys they should not have to suffer and the courts donot even count us in jeffs finances. That is that crapy part about it all. I know this blog is all over the place and does not make sence but this is the only way i can get out my feelings on how I really feel. The funny thing is that she calls jeff a dead beat father. . well He can only be that if he never pays child support and never tryes to see his kids witch he does but now she has the kids so brain wash that they do not want to have anything to do with him and she tryes pushing the kids off on other guys and that is why she never can keep a boy friend. ugh i am just so tired of it all.

Life with Ryan

As a mother with a child with juvinal type 1 diabetes. It has been a long rode sence we found out that he has diabetes. I somtimes one how I am going to do this....am i doing the right thing... what am i forgeting.... did i give him his insulan for what he eat of no.... So many things run though my mind all day long. I wonder what i could be doing better, and am I doing everthing that I need to be doing for him. I sometimes wonder what I did wrong as a parrent and my child would come down with this sickness that he is going to be stuck with for the rest of his life. Even though it was nothing I could have done, but is still does not help that it goes though my mind ever time I have to stick him and change his sight. I try and for get that it is not my falt that he has this ever time I see his face as he binds over the tolet while coughing and spitting out those terable ketons out of his body... I try and for get about thinking that maby I should check him one more time be fore I go to bed, and should I wake up in the middle of the night to check him too......I try and for get that is nothing i did when he just lays there on the coutch complaining that his tummy hurts of he has a head ack and trying to ride out the discomfort and knowing that not even a new toy will get him up and moving.... I try to for get when he just sits there and crys telling me how bad it hurts and all i can do is give him his medicin and tell him to just wait it will get better... I try and forget even a trip to the store i worry about wether i for got something for him or not, do I have evething incase of anthing happening.... I try to for get that trying to reasure everone else he is fine and he is just a normal little boy is heard when i have to keep telling my self the samething..... I try and for get that even thow they tell you to acked normal it is so hard to casue there are so many abnormal things that you have to do.... I try and for get the feeling i feel when i have to explan to him that you can not have 4 slices of pizza and a hole pack of hot dogs, and the reson why he can not have a huge a mount of ice cream and cake... I try to forget but i just can't. It is so had sometimes. I have so many dreems and wishes for my little man that I hope he can see and know that no matter what I will always love him. And that even though that all those doors mabe closed there will always be a window in. What can I say a wonderful band puts in to words what I wish for him. " My wish for you ryan is that life becomes all that you want it to and your dreams stay big and your worries stay small and you never need to carry more than you can hold on to." I could not say it any better my self..........

The Military Ball

Will tomorrow we have a Military ball to attend. Really it is like a adult prom . It gives you a chance to dress up and have a reason for it. I am exsited to go , it has been a long time sence i have gotten to wear a formal dress. I am also sad cause it mad me really relise how much i need to loose wait. cause it took a while to find a dress. I aslo have been thinking of getting my chest size redused they are just to big I cant fit them in to anything. But my dress is baby pink i think it fits me really nicely. I have spent this hole week trying to get ready for the ball went to get my nails done and eye brows waxed. That was a fun trip in it self. I went to the place and told them what I wanted done then i realised i did not have my id or my debit card. Witch if you did not know that means you cant get anything done and aslo you can not get back on post. I was screwed. My friends was there with me so she told me to get my eye brows done and then we would vintuce on post. Will i got there and told them what had happen to my shock they had to have a MP take me to the house and get my ID will I get there and still can not find my ID at this point i was about to cry casue i had a MP out side my house waiting for me to get my ID and now i cant find it. What is going to happen to me now was going though my mind. Will I was freacking our for nothing all i had to do is show a pice of mail and my insurance card and he let me go. later the school called me and told me that they found my ID. I was so thankful. I was so glad that My hubby came home last night i can finaly get the things that i need to get done for the ball today I need to find a sweater for my dress and make a apointment to get my hair done. So wish me luck that I can have a fun time at this ball. We will see how things go.

Life

So we got our states taxes yesterday. I was So releafed to see that we have some money. But now i am worryed that we might end up spending most of or money on fix that truck. It is over heating and it sounds really rough when we drive it. I have already put coolent in it So I know it is not that. I am just so sick and tire of that stupit thing. My husband love it so much he wont traid it in for a new car. And the other thing is that we where sapo to get our fediral taxes deposited today in to our acound and I am fliping out that we are not going to get it even though we have not recived a note saying it is going to be off set or anything. Cause with that I was going to buy my ticket to portland witch is going to cost me a lot cause I missed the good deals. Then Jeff promest me that we could get a used car. I am just so tired of having to worrie about money If i work day care is going to cost me a arm and lag casue of my son and his diabetes. So it is better that i do not work then we are always strugling to try and fig out how we are going to put food in the house and pay all the bills. only on 600 a month. That is right just 600 a month. With ryans birthday coming up I just want him to have a good day.

Yesterday I took Conner in for his 2 month visit it was not a fun one at all we found out that he has a ear infection. So He is not on medication for that then he got his two month shots so he his not a happy camper right now. but the poor baby still smiles at you. I also found out that he needs to have more tummy time casue it will help develop his valve in his neck that is under developed. He then is going ot have to be be seen back in a month and if that has not improved we are going to have to take him to a spechlest about it. I am begaing to think I am making falty kids. Conner has had things go on with him we have had to worry about even be for he was born and Ryan you just wont beleave what things he has going for him. ashmadic, Diabetes, speach delay. I am glad that i have desided now to have anymore children. I just wish life would give me a breack from all this sometimes. So i dont have anything to stress about. but I gues that is why they tell you life is never easy. I am just going to have to fig things out to help me cope with what I am dealt in life. My uncle once told me that carma will always come back on you. And I am really begining to belave that more and more. I was not a easy child when I as in my teens I will admit it. I put my family and parents throwgh a lot of things that I should not have. And I am beaging to think that I am geting payed back for that. with all that is going on in my life some way some how it feels like it is payback.

mothers

I sometimes wonder how as mothers we know exactly what to do and what our babys need. When they cry we pretty much know what is making them up set. And why is it that when they are not feeling good they always wont there mommy. I alwayed wonderd a bout that. My two boys are such mommas boys. When they are not feeling good they want me. Even Ryan will tell Jeff now I want mommy. Most guys try and help out with the kids as much as they can but they get frustrated so easliy when They can not fig out what the baby wants after 20 min of holding them, Then they start looking for us and wanting us to fix the problem. Then of cours as mothers we go down the list of things that it could be. Normaly we just say will he is or she is........ that is why they are crying. with out plinking a eye. And being a mother is a 24 hour job. Who gets up in the middle of the night to take care of the kids. And who has to wake they guys up just to help out in the middle of the night. Will I just pray for stranght and courage to be able to rase my sons right and know what is right from wrong. I want them to be loving and caring but at the same point deturmad so they will get where they want in life.

My Husband

I love my husband to death and wish the best for him. We have has our hard times. In the begaing but we have worked though them. I know he loves me and is willing to do anything for me and my boys. He has done 10 years in the military and is wanting to do more. He is a hard working man and loves his job. but June of 2008 hew was diagnosed with diabeties witch put a damper on his military carrier. He love his job and so far he has been told so many diffrent things we dont know where life is going to take us. He has been told over and over again that he is going to be pramoted to E5. Then he was told he can get it because of his diabetes. Then he was told that he was flaged so he cant get any favroble action. Well come to find out he has never been flaged. Just one of the many things that he has been liyed to about. So after complaining enough he has been pramoted to a corpral witch is a NCO with a inlited mans pay. But at least he will have the respect that he needs. I felt bad when he told me that he was getting pramoted casue I wonderd why they could not give him the E5. So now with this one step then maby we can get some where. He has is first physical Monday witch starts the proses on weather he is going to get to stay in or not. The good news is that they told him that he mostly wont get kicked out but he might have to reclass. But also If he takes this other test and passes it then that means that he is not diabetic. And if that is the case then we need to find out what he does have. I have been blessed witha wonderful man as a husband. He gives me everthing that I want. He tells me that he makes the money so I can spend it on Me and our childern. With out him I dont know what I would do.

My Life

Well I am new to this whole bloging thing, but my sister got me in to it and I thought I would try it out. I would have to say that my life is blessed in many different ways. I was blessed to be abopted by wonderful parnents who gave me and my sisters a loving and caring home. They tought us the value of family and how inportend religen is in your life. With out them I don't think I would be where I am today and be able to to have the things that I have acomplished in my life. I had my trouble times in my life that I went though but I have pulled my self out of those times. After graduating high school I worked for a year with my father, and I went though a rough breack up and then with all my friend heading off to see the world I want'd to do the same. So shortly after my brother signed up for the Navy, I figered that I woudl join the Army by October 23 2000 I was in the Army and on my way to seeing the world, So I thought. I ended up at Fort Jackson was there untell Jan 2001. Then made my way to Fort Lee virgina but as luck would have it I ended up doing a stress fracher on my hip. Those that have been in the military know that you dont want to go to sick call cause it make you look week. and with me being the smalist person and also a female I had to look tough and not go so I contueid to do PT. When it came to doing a PT test I was hurting pretty bad, by the time I did my run I had brocken my hip and was stuck at Fort lee untill June. By July 2 2001 I had made my way to Fort Riley KS. And I tell you that is the most dpressing plase I have been to. But with the friends that I have meet we made it a pretty fun place. And the time past fast. I met my husband there at Riley we worked together. Witch in away you can say he was one of my bosses. When they tell you to never date anyone hire in rank then you they where right. But we made sure that he never showed favortisom to me. And it turned out that I always got the crappy end of the deal. But to make a long story short. By April of 2003 we both got out of the military, and head to IL to make our life out side of the military. And by May 2003 we found out that I was expecting our first child.
Our life in Il was not always fun and games we had our rough time. We had to deal with his ex wife and fighting for visitation with his other two kids (witch that is a hole nother story in itself). On December 20 2003 we where married and Feb 10 04 our son Ryan was born. later on we found out that Ryan had a speach delay so we inrold him programs to help him with his speach. The poor boy was always getting sick with a cold and got bronchides and namona all before he was 1. That starts off his many trips to the hospital. With in the first two year of his has drinken the chocky stuff and also had to have his eyes flushed. Dec 19 2006 Ryan be came very ill I took him to the hospital and they sent us home told us he had bronchides by that next morning He was throwing up every 30 min and he was very nathorgick so i took him to urgant care, Was told by then to take him to ER and do not pass go, go straight there. After running test on him we found out that he had Diabetes and was put in Ped ICU. As a parent I have never been so scared in my life and worryed. But by christmas eve night we where able to leave that hospital. That has been a task with that. We worked with doctors to get it all under control. And our lifes moved forword. By Oct of 2007 My husband rejoind that Army full time. and Feb of 2008 Ryan and I moved down to Gerogia. And with that move shortly found out we where expecting our child number 2 I was sick for 6 month streaight but by Nov 24 Conner blessed us with his presents. In many ways I am blessed in my life I have two beatifull boys and and a wonderful caring husband that trys to take care of his family.